Me: Now adjust your body to prepare for the ball and look the ball toward your target. Use your forehead and not…

Player: I have a question

Me: Yes, what is it?

Player: You don’t have any hair! (Uproarious laughter from the other 20 eight year olds)

Me: That doesn’t sound like a question to me.

Player: OK then….Why don’t you have any hair?

Me: Does this have anything to do with heading the ball?

Player: My last coach said to head with your hairline. How do you know where to head it if you don’t have a hair line?

Me: I can still remember where my hairline used to be! Can we get back to heading now?

Player: Why do you shave your head?

Me: Why don’t you shave yours?

Player: I’m only 8 (more laughing)

Me: THAT’S NO EXCUSE!!! (even more laughing) Alright…Alright…Alright..… Let’s scrimmage

Players: woohoo!!!!!

Moral of the story: Never overestimate the importance of your voice and never underestimate the power of the scrimmage. And always be prepared for questions about your coif.

*** Heading activities at this age are done with under-inflated balls at very short distances to learn the proper contact point and other technical details. This will prepare them for the occasional head ball that happens in a U-9 game without risking injury or causing a bad experience with the process.

Here’s a moral dilemma.  I’m scouting a college game for a friend.  The team I’m scouting is coached by an old teammate.  We haven’t seen each other is a couple of years and I’d love to say hi before or after the game.  What is my obligation to him regarding my scouting assignment?

I am not currently a college coach so he would have no reason to think I was scouting.  Coaches can play it very close to the vest when discussing their teams with other coaches operating at the same level.  As a current high school coach, I am very likely to tell other high school coaches that my team is struggling to find good form and speak in great generalities.  If I were speaking to a soccer colleague not involved in high school soccer in Maryland, I’d be more likely to be very specific about our shortcoming and pick his brain about solutions.

The coach I was scouting has spoken with me about his teams in the past and he has been VERY specific about tactics, strengths, weaknesses and style.  We don’t have many people we can talk to about these things.  I know my wife would prefer that I not bring up tactical dilemmas at the dinner table because it’s really just my inner dialog on display and my anxiety is laid bare without any hope of resolution.  Plus, I’m pretty sure it bores her to tears.  So when we find someone with whom we can share these coaching conundrums, we have a tendency to run on a bit.

If I greeted my former teammate after his game, I’m sure we would discuss the specifics of his tactical decisions.  He would want to acknowledge his team’s shortcomings (to prove that he is aware of them and not seem blind to his problems) and highlight some strengths (because we all have a bit of the braggadocio in us).  He may also want to vent about some frustrations because frankly, there often isn’t anyone else to whom we can vent.

At what point in this conversation do I inform him that I am scouting him?   I could lead with it (“before you say anything…you should know that I am scouting your team on behalf of such-and-such University”) and risk looking like a self-aggrandizing tool.  I could wait awhile and mention it in passing and risk the appearance of being diabolical.  Or I could not mention it at all and lay awake all night wondering where my life all went wrong.

I’m inclined to think that I must immediately disclose my mission to scout his team and try to find a way to announce this without sounding too puffed up.  Or better yet, I could avoid the whole dilemma and steer clear of any chance encounter by operating sub rosa…which is what I did.  I maintained a healthy distance and passed on the chance to re-connect with an old friend; and avoided the chance that the reconnection would be uncomfortable.  What would you do?

Coaches love their own voices.  I’m no different.  We tend to think that we always deserve the undivided attention of our team….but it’s not always so easy.  During a recent demonstration to 8 year olds about proper heading technique*** I was interrupted by a player with a question.

Me:  Now adjust your body to prepare for the ball and look the ball toward your target.  Use your forehead and not…

Player: I have a question

Me:  Yes, what is it?

Player:  You don’t have any hair! (Uproarious laughter from the other 20 eight year olds)

Me:  That doesn’t sound like a question to me.

Player:  OK then….Why don’t you have any hair?

Me: Does this have anything to do with heading the ball?

Player:  My last coach said to head with your hairline.  How do you know where to head it if you don’t have a hair line?

Me:  I can still remember where my hairline used to be!  Can we get back to heading now?

Player:  Why do you shave your head?

Me:  Why don’t you shave yours?

Player:  I’m only 8  (more laughing)

Me:  THAT’S NO EXCUSE!!!  (even more laughing)  Alright…Alright…Alright..…   Let’s scrimmage

Players:   woohoo!!!!!

Moral of the story:  Never overestimate the importance of your voice and never underestimate the power of the scrimmage.  And always be prepared for questions about your coif.

*** Heading activities at this age are done with under-inflated balls at very short distances to learn the proper contact point and other technical details.  This will prepare them for the occasional head ball that happens in a U-9 game without risking injury or causing a bad experience with the process.

The game was getting a bit heated.  U-9 boys’ soccer games are not supposed to be heated.  They are supposed to be fun.  A heated youth soccer game is a recipe for disaster.  We had already had our parents’ meeting where we discussed side-line behavior and how to bottle the anxiety that comes with watching your little boy in competitive circumstances.  We all agreed to just let them play and not get too worked up about it.  But here we were…in our first competitive match and the score was locked at 5-5 with just a few minutes left.  For the most part the parents and supporters were all well behaved.  The opposition was fair and hard working.  Our boys were putting in a terrific effort.  It should not be heated.  But we all felt it.  We all wanted our first experience as a team to be positive.  And although we could take many positives away from a tie or even a loss after such an effort, we all wanted to win.

I did my best to temper my feelings on this matter.  I have preached development over results for as long as I can remember.  But there was no escaping my inner combatant.  My exterior was calm and focused but my insides burned for a good result.  With the game locked at five apiece and the clock winding down, any moment could be the moment that decided the game.  The slightest mistake could mean our downfall and the smallest piece of brilliance could usher in triumph.  And then it happened.  The moment that reminded me that all my preaching had been correct; that I needed to take some of my own medicine.  I needed to chill.

Player on the bench:  Coach?

Me: Yea

Player:  I have a question

Me:  What is it?

Player:  Do I need a shower when I go home or can I go straight into the hot tub?

Me:  Well….I suppose you ought check with your Mom on that one.  I don’t have a hot tub so I can’t say for sure.

We got our goal and protected our narrow lead until the final whistle.  And I was reminded yet again that the youth player takes a completely different view of the game than an adult.  They wanted to win too.  But not so much that they lost sight of what is really important…. Namely…How will I get clean after this game?

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